I have so many things to be thankful for, and with this being Thanksgiving week, I try more than ever to remember those things, and to express my gratitude to those I love, and to God who provides.
But I'm still finding it a bit hard to get into the full holiday spirit. Austin has been gone for 17 months (roughly) and I no longer expect him to walk through the door, and we've gone through every holiday and special date without him at least once now. But I still have moments where it hits me that I probably won't ever have him here again, that I'll probably grow old without my brother, without a sibling to help with take care of our parents, without a brother to share holidays with. In a way, it's not today I'm sad for, it's the future that I feel like I'm already missing. I'm missing the possibility of future Thanksgivings where my son has cousins to play with, me a sister in law to cook with, my husband a brother in-law to hang out with.
We have other wonderful family, including my husband's three siblings and their families. But they live far away. We also have my aunts and cousins, but they have their own families. We have my parents who are wonderful, but holidays with my Dad cause a lot of friction. We also have our family who aren't family by blood.....
So why the alone feeling? I don't know, but it's there.
This isn't as hard as a sibling as it is for a parent, so I know the road is tougher for them. I have so much to be thankful for though, and I truly am. As much as anything, I'm thankful for the family, friends, and all of those who help us through these times and remind us of all there is to celebrate this week.