Tuesday, November 25, 2008

This Week

I have so many things to be thankful for, and with this being Thanksgiving week, I try more than ever to remember those things, and to express my gratitude to those I love, and to God who provides.

But I'm still finding it a bit hard to get into the full holiday spirit. Austin has been gone for 17 months (roughly) and I no longer expect him to walk through the door, and we've gone through every holiday and special date without him at least once now. But I still have moments where it hits me that I probably won't ever have him here again, that I'll probably grow old without my brother, without a sibling to help with take care of our parents, without a brother to share holidays with. In a way, it's not today I'm sad for, it's the future that I feel like I'm already missing. I'm missing the possibility of future Thanksgivings where my son has cousins to play with, me a sister in law to cook with, my husband a brother in-law to hang out with.

We have other wonderful family, including my husband's three siblings and their families. But they live far away. We also have my aunts and cousins, but they have their own families. We have my parents who are wonderful, but holidays with my Dad cause a lot of friction. We also have our family who aren't family by blood.....

So why the alone feeling? I don't know, but it's there.

This isn't as hard as a sibling as it is for a parent, so I know the road is tougher for them. I have so much to be thankful for though, and I truly am. As much as anything, I'm thankful for the family, friends, and all of those who help us through these times and remind us of all there is to celebrate this week.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

80 and Rainy

Sometimes I feel like '80 and rainy' sums up my life. Mid-November and it's 80 degrees outside. So what could I possibly complain about? Well, it's also overcast and drizzly! I just overheard someone complaining mildly about it and it made me laugh, until I thought of how much that comment applies to my life.

There is definitely some drizzle in my life. Daily commute, a sick child, work stress, arguments over laundry. There are even some full out thunderstorms. My missing brother, relatively recent loss of my husband's mom.

But it's also 80. What I mean is that I still have a lot in life to find joy in. A job to commute to, a wonderful son to take care of, a house to do laundry in, family that I love.

Sometimes we get focused on the rainy and forget about the 80.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Clean Hair

Some days I get so caught up in my daily life that I seem to forget what really matters. I don't think I'm the only one. I work full time in a job that I truly enjoy, even as stressful as it is, and I run in the few hours after work each day to something or another that needs to be done, and the weekends are full with errands and ballgames and more. What about you? What takes up your time and your energy and your thoughts? I bet your list is a lot like mine.

Every now and then though I do manage to take deep breaths and look around and enjoy the moment I'm in. Last night while giving my son a bath and then reading with him (he's becoming quite the reader) was one of those times. I let it happen leisurely, not pushing to get him in bed early (though maybe I should have) and I just enjoyed him. I think I need more of that- breathing in the scent of clean hair and brushed teeth, cuddling in pajamas and reading a book. In fact, I'm going to head home now and do just that.

What about you?