Addicted to BabySteals!

Love this site, can't say how much.  And doing this gets me entered to win the cutest onesie ever!  Check it out, you may become addicted too....

Praying

I've probably been in more constant prayer over the past 36 hours or so than I have in a long time.  My heart has recently been heavy for a few friends and my uncle, and now our precious pastor is seriously ill.  It's very cool to be in constant commune with God, just wondering why it takes this.....

Pumping, Pumping, Pumping

I'm doing a quick post while sitting in my office with the door shut pumping.  It's quite a pain in some ways to be so tied to the pump and to the clock, but it's nice to 'have' to escape for about 15 minutes with my door shut twice a day.  I also can't explain how good it is to know I'm doing my best by Ben by giving him nothing but breast milk for the first six months (and maybe a while longer).  It's a huge responsibility to be the sole provider of nourishment, but then again, what is parenting if not for a huge responsibility that requires sacrifice but is so rewarding and worth all the effort?! 

By the way, right now my pump sounds like it's saying "Let's go, Let's go..."

He won't meet them....

I often avoid topics that have any emotional connection.  It's not that I don't feel things, it's that I'm not the best at expressing emotion, and usually choose to ignore things I can when they come with sadness.

Today has been one of those days tough to avoid emotional thoughts though.  Ben is almost four months old, and everything surrounding him is about joy.  But some days the sad seeps in, of thinking of those we love who he'll never meet, who will never meet him.  Austin has been gone for almost three years, and realistically Ben and he will probably never meet.  I can't believe that the brother that I love, that I shared so many years and memories with, will probably never meet the baby who I look forward to loving the rest of my life and making memories with.  Michael's mom has been gone almost two years.  The woman who loved him and raised him will never know the baby he is loving and raising.  She should be so proud of the Dad he is.  She had the chance to see that with Drew, but didn't.  I always hoped she would one day, that she would be a real part of our life, but now there is no time.  There are others too.... most recently my Uncle is declining from him battle with cancer, and we probably won't make it before he passes and he'll never meet Ben.

I'll do my best over the years to tell my sweet boys about family they never met, or met and will never remember, but the one thing I hope is this....  they'll feel the effects of the impact those people had on our lives in a positive way.  To those we miss, we love you.