I often avoid topics that have any emotional connection. It's not that I don't feel things, it's that I'm not the best at expressing emotion, and usually choose to ignore things I can when they come with sadness.
Today has been one of those days tough to avoid emotional thoughts though. Ben is almost four months old, and everything surrounding him is about joy. But some days the sad seeps in, of thinking of those we love who he'll never meet, who will never meet him. Austin has been gone for almost three years, and realistically Ben and he will probably never meet. I can't believe that the brother that I love, that I shared so many years and memories with, will probably never meet the baby who I look forward to loving the rest of my life and making memories with. Michael's mom has been gone almost two years. The woman who loved him and raised him will never know the baby he is loving and raising. She should be so proud of the Dad he is. She had the chance to see that with Drew, but didn't. I always hoped she would one day, that she would be a real part of our life, but now there is no time. There are others too.... most recently my Uncle is declining from him battle with cancer, and we probably won't make it before he passes and he'll never meet Ben.