Addicted to BabySteals!

Love this site, can't say how much.  And doing this gets me entered to win the cutest onesie ever!  Check it out, you may become addicted too....

Praying

I've probably been in more constant prayer over the past 36 hours or so than I have in a long time.  My heart has recently been heavy for a few friends and my uncle, and now our precious pastor is seriously ill.  It's very cool to be in constant commune with God, just wondering why it takes this.....

Pumping, Pumping, Pumping

I'm doing a quick post while sitting in my office with the door shut pumping.  It's quite a pain in some ways to be so tied to the pump and to the clock, but it's nice to 'have' to escape for about 15 minutes with my door shut twice a day.  I also can't explain how good it is to know I'm doing my best by Ben by giving him nothing but breast milk for the first six months (and maybe a while longer).  It's a huge responsibility to be the sole provider of nourishment, but then again, what is parenting if not for a huge responsibility that requires sacrifice but is so rewarding and worth all the effort?! 

By the way, right now my pump sounds like it's saying "Let's go, Let's go..."

He won't meet them....

I often avoid topics that have any emotional connection.  It's not that I don't feel things, it's that I'm not the best at expressing emotion, and usually choose to ignore things I can when they come with sadness.

Today has been one of those days tough to avoid emotional thoughts though.  Ben is almost four months old, and everything surrounding him is about joy.  But some days the sad seeps in, of thinking of those we love who he'll never meet, who will never meet him.  Austin has been gone for almost three years, and realistically Ben and he will probably never meet.  I can't believe that the brother that I love, that I shared so many years and memories with, will probably never meet the baby who I look forward to loving the rest of my life and making memories with.  Michael's mom has been gone almost two years.  The woman who loved him and raised him will never know the baby he is loving and raising.  She should be so proud of the Dad he is.  She had the chance to see that with Drew, but didn't.  I always hoped she would one day, that she would be a real part of our life, but now there is no time.  There are others too.... most recently my Uncle is declining from him battle with cancer, and we probably won't make it before he passes and he'll never meet Ben.

I'll do my best over the years to tell my sweet boys about family they never met, or met and will never remember, but the one thing I hope is this....  they'll feel the effects of the impact those people had on our lives in a positive way.  To those we miss, we love you.  

Weekend Warrior!

We have been on the go non-stop for.... well, forever it seems like.  We rush around trying to do so many things and fit in all the fun that we don't get to have during the week.  I love all that we do, but it's exhausting!  This weekend's schedule:

Friday
2:30  I leave work to get home early to drop off milk and nurse Ben for my first non-baby night out.
5pm   Leave for dinner and Mama Mia!
6pm  Hand express milk in the restroom of the Mexican place
7:30pm Arrive at Theatre and express more milk in the restroom since manual isn't very effective!
8pm   Show starts and is great!  Take a break half way through to express once again.
11:30  Arrive home, nurse Ben (much to my relief)
All night   Up and Down with Ben

Saturday
8am  Everyone Up, nurse Ben
9am  Pump milk 
9:30am Try to clean the house (not very successful)
10:30  Get everyone ready, nurse Ben again
11:00 Leave for the Tball game
12pm Tball game, nurse Ben
2pm  Game ends, get subs at Publix and head the the SEC Gymnastics Championships.  Nurse Ben.
4pm  Meet starts (Go Gators!).  Listen to Drew whine.  Nurse Ben.
7:30pm  Watch Gators crowned, jump in car and race home.
8pm  Friends arrive for Game Night (so much fun!!).  Nurse Ben.
All night   Up and Down with Ben

Sunday
7:30am Everyone Up, nurse Ben
8am  Forget to pump, uncomfortable all day as a result
9am  Arrive at church, run around preparing for show and finding people for next week.
9:30am  KidStuf Show
10:30am Worship Service, but leave to nurse Ben.
11:45am Head to Lunch with a great group of friends (Yum!)
2pm Stop at JoAnn on way home for frame and paper for gift.
2:30pm Fight with printer, finally get gift made and leave
3pm  Pick up friend and head to baby celebration.  Nurse Ben.
3:30pm Arrive late to celebration, enjoy friends
5:30pm Leave to get to church for special service
6pm Arrive at Baptism/Lord's Supper/Dinner/Dessert Auction
6:15pm Leave for lobby because pounding head and loud music don't mix.
6:45pm  Re-enter for Lord's Supper (a wonderful time of quiet and reflection in the midst of the craziness!)
7pm  Dinner (YUM!)  Nurse Ben.
7:30pm Dessert Auction begins, head pounding gets worse.
8:30pm  Pounding head wins, take boys home.  Go to bed.
All night   Up and Down with Ben

If you actually read all that you'll see why I'm exhausted.... and why the workday seems like a bit of a break!  I'm realizing that I truly need to slow down a bit.  I'm not yet sure what to do for that to actually happen, especially since I love all that I do.  But for my health and sanity, I think it's a must.

Love to all,
Anita

Brothers

Ben is 3 months old today. For 3 months we've watched him grow and love on him. For 3 months we've watched Drew grow too- the changes in him aren't as noticable- the changes aren't huge by the day. But he's changed into a big brother. One day he was an only child with the world still revolving around him. The next he was a big brother, sharing the spotlight. While there have been challenges along the way, he is simply great. Ben already laughs at all he does and seems to think Drew is the greatest thing in the world. Drew regularly says he's lucky to have a brother, and is happy to help. I'm not sure which joy has been greater, watching one grow or watching one grow into a brother.

Welcoming Ben

We welcomed Ben Maddox Sullivan into our lives five short weeks ago, but in some ways it seems like a lifetime since we can't imagine life without him. Here is his birth story so I can say I wrote it all down!

Ben's doctors offered to induce when I hit 39 weeks several times along the pregnancy, but I didn't think I'd opt for that for various reasons. But, as I hit 39 weeks, with Christmas approaching fast and me becoming more and more uncomfortable, I caved- at 39 weeks and 3 days and said yes to an induction. I'd been having contractions for weeks, but not regular enough or strong enough to really be in labor. I was progressing though, and when we went in at 7:30am on December 15th I was 4cm.

Labor progressed (at Baptist Hospital- Downtown) with the help of pitocin and the only bump in the road came when my blood pressure dropped and his heart rate dropped. Our nurse was wonderful though, acted quickly and had us both doing okay very soon. I was on oxygen for a while after that, but no more problems. I had an epidural that was great- I could feel things but wasn't in pain- so I knew when time to push arrived. The nurse got us through all of the pushing and had me wait a few minutes until the doctor arrived. The tower was down to one elevator working that day, and getting downstairs took him a while! Once he arrived I pushed two more times and Ben was born at 4:36pm weighing 7lb and 12.8oz and measuring 19.5 inches long. He was gorgeous, and doing very well. I was so happy to have a few minutes with him before they cleaned him up and checked him out.

Mom immediately said he looked just like Drew, and after a few minutes I could see it too. Michael held him for a bit while they finished with me, and I was able to nurse for a few minutes before he went to the nursery. My Dad and Monica were there and able to meet him very early, and Mom went to get Drew so he could meet his little brother as soon as possible too.

Before she could get back with him, I was in my room, Ben came back and we had visitors. Ben's first visitors were the Parramore's (including Matt and Liz in from OK) and we were so glad he could meet his 'other family' so soon.

Drew meeting Ben was the best moment, one I'll never forget. I think we had all waited such a long time for that moment, when our family was four. Drew was immediately an amazing big brother, holding him and kissing him and obviously happy.

Christmas was just 10 days later, and we had a pretty quiet one at home which was nice. Ben slept through all the excitement, which mostly centered around Drew and his Legos.

Then, with the New Year upon us, Michael's sister and her family visited, which was the highlight of the season! None of his family had been to visit us other than for our wedding nine years prior, so it was nice to be able to share our town and our life here with them. Drew and cousin Joshua had a great time, and I think Ben enjoyed the kisses from his Aunt Rita.

Now here we are, with Ben almost 6 weeks old, and we're into a bit of a routine, doing well, and just loving every snuggle and kiss. Ben is starting to smile, starting to be awake more, and starting to show us his little personality that we are already in love with.

We can't wait to enjoy the rest of the moments for the rest of our lives!