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Losing Austin, Finding Myself

That's where I'll be!

Easter Fun

Easter was a great time in our house, especially with Ben participating actively for the first time. He loved coloring eggs.... then smashing eggs. He had fun finding eggs.... then smashing eggs.



Drew and Ben both loved finding baskets full of goodies!





After an amazing celebration service at church, we visited Pops and Mimi, with more baskets and fun.







Austin's 30th was also Easter, so we celebrated him, with Drew blowing out his candles. For more about Austin, check out my new blog (Losing Austin, Finding Myself at losingaustin.blogspot.com)





Moments to cherish....

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January Blah's!

I've been posting so little, but have so little to post about!  Though I just realized that I never even posted about Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Ben's birthday.

I'll have to catch up soon!  In the meantime, here are a few photos .

The Waiting Game

It seems like I'm always waiting for something.... From small things like a prescription to be filled, or a red light to bigger things like when our new small family business can be focused on and grown. We've spent a lot of time lately waiting on results from medical tests. We're doing it again now and it's trying, I just want to know. NOW. But what are we missing out on while we wish the time to pass?

Maybe, just maybe, we're missing out on looking around at where we are right then and there. Do we really want our kids to grow faster, our time with aging family or friends to be lost? Of course not. Yet we still want moments to fly, want to move on to the next phase.

Maybe, just maybe, we're exactly where we're meant to be, where God put us in this very moment. Maybe I can learn in this moment to trust just a bit more. Or maybe I can just spend a moment gazing at this gorgeous day.

Maybe these moments of waiting can be celebrated too.

~Anita

Hospitals, broken adapters, and glasses oh my!

I should have been blogging while I had time to kill in the hospital with Michael, but I didn't, so here's a quick recap of our last two weeks!

Michael was in the hospital for 6 days last week.  The good news is he's doing much better overall.  He has Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome- basically, for 11 years he's been admitted for uncontrolled vomiting close to 25 times and is sick on a pretty regular basis.  It impacts his whole life.  (it's rare and odd and is interesting to read about if you like medical mysteries!).  The worst part is there isn't good treatment, mostly just sedating until it passes, usually a few days.  Every test known to man has been run.  Twice.  But this time he did have blood work show something new that we think is unrelated but needs to be addressed regardless.  He has very high prolactin levels, which are high enough for them to assume a pituatary tumor- though he is having an MRI next Monday to confirm.  It sounds scarier than it is, it will probably just require medication to shrink, but he's still a bit freaked out.

While he was in, the AC adapter for my breast pump broke, so I was going out to the car some to pump, and hand expressing a lot- I had lots of time to kill anyway, so didn't matter that it was taking forever.  But now I'm at work, and this is causing a problem!  I'm pumping less and that's probably okay, still bringing home as much as he eats, and we're getting close to 10 months when I planned to cut back some anyway (because I have a big freezer stash) so I'm trying not to stress over that.

And last but not least, the school called us a few days ago that they thought Drew needed glasses- so we took him in and sure enough, not so good!  Glasses will be here next week and we're trying our darndest to convince him it's not dorky.  I got them a bit later, though my vision is TERRIBLE, I hid it from my parents well, and I remember how geeky I felt, even though I love them now!  Hoping to help spare him some of that.
Okay, there is my book o drama on what you missed. 

Thanks to all of you who offered encouragement while Michael was in the hospital, it really helped!  

Looking Ahead to Honor the Past

How do you focus forward when their is still pain and suffering?  How do you honor and celebrate the new exciting things in life, without feeling like you're dishonoring those you've lost, or things you've been through?  This is something that many of us struggle with, especially those who have faced great loss. 

In my home, we've struggled with this.  More than three years after my brother Austin's disappearance, we still hurt.  But new life has come into our home, life that deserves to be celebrated, loved, and enjoyed.  Does it dishonor Austin for us to laugh and love?  No.  Is it hard to remember that some days?  Yes.

In our church, we are still struggling with this as a body.  We lost our amazing Godly pastor five months ago, and still hurt as a church.  But God is working!  God has chosen another great man to lead us, and has brought our church together in ways we always prayed for.  We want to celebrate the way He is working, celebrate the plans that He has for us.  But sometimes that hurts.  We don't want to dishonor Pastor Ken by forgetting, but the reality is that we'll never forget.  But we will move ahead.  Does that dishonor him?  No, it simply means we learned from him that God will work through even our pain.

This will continue to be a work in progress for many of us.  But we're reminded that God is in control, God is working, and there are wonderful things ahead.  And while looking ahead and celebrating what is to come, we're truly honoring those who helped us become who we are.



Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psalm 103:2-5)

I was tagged by Krista from The Cameron Chronicles to answer a few questions about myself. So here goes nothing...


Questions:
1. If you were stranded on a desert island what are the 3 things you would take with you and why?  my iPhone, because with it I can do anything including get communication out to people to find me (but only after a few days of quiet!), a good book (would use iPhone for all things bible related so this would just be pure fiction), and coke.  I love coke.


2. What is your favorite memory from college (or from your early 20's if you didn't attend college)?  All things related to Gator Football!  From my first games with a guy who explained it all when I was football dumb, to being part of recruiting, to going to an SEC Championship and later the National Championship.

3. How did you meet your husband?  Speaking of good college memories....  I was doing an internship at NAS Jacksonville to complete my degree in Recreation, Parks and Tourism.  I was helping manage a recreation center and planning special trips and events for the young single sailors that lived in the barracks.  Michael was one of them, and was different than most in there all the time, so he caught my attention.  We didn't do much 'dating' were just totally together from the start.

4. What does a normal day look like for you? (yes, I'm recycling this one because I like to see what everyone's schedule looks like!)
6:30  Ben starts waking, I slowly start waking
6:45  Get up (hopefully), change Ben and jump in the shower then try to get ready.  Get Drew up and moving
7:45 Leave (if I'm on time which is rare) and pump for the first 15 minutes of the drive
8:30 get to work, run crazy all day with meeting and a few more pumping sessions
5:45 Kick myself out of the office
6:30  Arrive home, kiss on my boys, eat dinner if Michael's made it, or throw something together
7:00  Many nights are somewhere  by now- either at a meeting, or practice or community group
8:00  Bath time if we're home
8:30 or 9  Bed time if we're home

9:00  Some quiet TV and often work time
10:00 My bed time!
And up within a few hours to nurse Ben and every few through the night


There you go, not too exciting- just the busy life of a busy working mom!